Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Burmese Learning Curve


Well I suppose it was arrogant to think that they couldn't surprise us. I thought I had seen every conceivable variety of strange Burmese behaviour, but over the last few days it has become obvious that there is an infinite range of strange boofyness before us. Give Rastaban a chicken leg-bone and he turns into a Rottweiler, snarling at anyone who looks like they might want to take it away. Bianca has decided that she doesn't give a curse about her figure or cardiac disease, she just wants as much bacon and eggs as she can get - and buttered baked potato is very nice too - thank you very much. As for the matriarch, Topaz has obviously realised that the serious business of raising kittens is done now, so she can return to the traditional Burmese activity of moving around small but important objects and helping Sir Isaac Newton demonstrate that the law of gravity still operates... SMASHHHH!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

La Vie Douce


Just in case you were wondering, this is me. At the time of the photograph we were on holiday in France, staying in a wonderful house called Chapeau on the edge of the village of Badefols D'Ans in the north of the Perigord region. The weather was glorious, the food and wine superb, the scenery was stunning and the towns and villages we visited were all spotlessly clean with wonderful floral displays and carefully conserved architecture. The people were warm and courteous and our party of eleven had a marvellous time. After two weeks of fishing, table tennis, daily runs in the beautiful countryside and endless other fun pursuits, the daily grind seems thoroughly repellant. I can understand perfectly why so many Brits retire to the Dordogne.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Trouserquandary

Now flippin listen here, der Heir Profezzorrr Hadley ist vlippen loozink der pashenz viz yooz, keine? Rauss und besschinken, bitte sehr? And read carefully...

A Brief Visit.


'Now then, now then. Settle down at the back. Remember, it is your time, not mine, you are wasting. Right, are we all settled down, now. Good.'

'Deferens…! Vas Deferens! Put it away boy. She doesn't want to play with it now.'

'No, she doesn't.'

'No, you don't, Verruca…. Because I said so! You ought to, at least, go and wash your hands, now.'

'Because, Verruca, you don't know where it has been, that's why.'

'Oh… well, maybe you do know where it has been. But I'm quite sure the rest of us need to know… at least in not quite such graphic detail, anyway.'

'Come on, now. All of you... settle down. You have your Sexual Perversions and Deviations exams in a few weeks, and it is about time you all did at least some revision.'

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

God is...


Having been inspired by a Guardian piece about Richard Dawkins new polemic, The God Delusion, I was impelled by a rare bout of insomnia to reconsider my atheism. What would it take for me to 'believe in God'?
Q.1 What is God? - any coherent answer more specific than 'everything'.
Q.2 Where is God? - any coherent answer other than 'everywhere' or 'in the mind of the believer'.
Q.3 Why is God? - any remotely likely answer other than 'because we invented God'.
Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster? Because of the antigravity meatballs entrapped in its immortal coils!!!